You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
