Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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