so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
