I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
