I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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