i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
