I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
