I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
