I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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