FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
