After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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