My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
