The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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