dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
