Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
