New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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