i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
