dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
