There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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