My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We left an ass print on the piano.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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