chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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