I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
