Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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