There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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