my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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