Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
