somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
