You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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