At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
