Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
