I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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