I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im part way to drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
