OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
