I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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