I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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