Don't make out with my wife yet
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
