life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
