Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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