his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
