Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
