Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
