You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
