just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
