You're completely useless in the revolution.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
