youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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