Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my being single is dangerous.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
