I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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