I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
