I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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