I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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